A lot of this blog is rather depressing and personal and thoughtful and just generally not my cheery, bubbly, normally-rather-oblivious self. That's okay. That's what I made it for. Sometimes just writing something through helps.
And so:
To the drama llamas, specifically the one who keeps calling me at two in the morning: for serious, I'm not going to pick up the phone. You are drunk making those calls; I am not encouraging you. Yes, I know that you have issues. I really truly want you to be all right. I tried to help you early on, but you ended up rejecting it by not following through on your own. I can't do it for you. You are an adult and you can make your own decisions and you are not my responsibility. I can't take responsibility for you. I refuse to. I've done it for too long for a lot of people and it wouldn't be healthy for either of us.
Also, most people are asleep at two in the morning. That's why I don't answer. I'm asleep. If you want me to answer, send me a text. And then answer the freakin' text I send back. Because I do. And then you don't say anything. Seriously, just tell me what it is that's wrong if you're going to. Don't wait for me to ask you a million times what's up, because I will assume nothing is up when you don't answer the first or second time. I can't fish for information. I won't. It's your own business and if you want to tell me, tell me. I'm not going to ask. I can't walk down that road again.
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To the parents of the BOY: it was great meeting you. I see where he gets some stuff from. It helps me understand him a little bit more. I really enjoyed my time with you and I'm sorry if it felt like I was imposing at all. I wasn't really expecting him to take me with him to his brother's birthday dinner. Seriously, I was more than willing to come, but by all means, if you don't want me intruding, say so. I think I said as much, but it was wonderful that you made me feel included. I had a great time and I hope that I get to see you again soon.
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To my friends who are worried about me and the BOY: if you had an issue, I wish you would actually bring it up with me. Thank you to my friend who did tell me that she didn't really like him and that there were others that didn't really like him. I get it. I know he could rub people the wrong way. He doesn't bother me. Time will tell if this is actually how I feel or if I'm just still in puppy-crush-mode, but I honestly am happy with him. I don't want him to be divisive between our friendships, but at the same time, he is who I am with at the moment.
I feel really stupid saying this, because it feels like I'm being the rebellious girl who is running away with the bad boy, leaving all her friends behind. I don't want to do that. I honestly just get along with everyone. But I know that there are some people who don't. I can apologize that he's causing friction if indeed he is causing friction, but I won't apologize for liking him. And seriously? If you have a concern, please say so. What if he really was bad for me? What if he was abusive or pushy or whatever it is that concerns you guys? What if I were in trouble with him?
I'm not. He respects my space when I ask for it. Yes, he curses too much. So does half the world. Yes, he can be argumentative. I can talk to him about taking it down a notch, because I know that some of you take offense to it. I don't argue with people. He doesn't get fuel from me and I also know that he's not being malicious. He's just intense.
But I'm happy. He is thoughtful and considerate and generous and intelligent. I'd love to ask you to spend more time with him, but you don't have to. If you really don't like him that much, okay. I understand. If you want to just hang out with me, just say so. I'm not offended. I just ask that you trust my judgement in him, but seriously, bring me your concerns. I would like to assuage them or take them into consideration as the case may be, okay?
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To classes starting tomorrow: go easy on me. I was having a wonderful start of the year now that I was back. Then drama happened and while I personally am in a great space, there are people around me who are not and who are trying to drag me down with them. Please don't add to my troubles.
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