So, twenty-first birthday has come and gone. I didn't get smashed, thus probably putting my in the minority of my peers, or at least my immediate circle of friends. I did, however, sample a few drinks, and in the past few days, have ordered drinks with an aplomb that has caused visible shock in my companions. With my casual order of "a glass of water and a screwdriver" during a happy-hour-timed lunch the other day, my friend blinked at me in surprise and commented on how easily that had come out of my mouth. They all seemed to be under the impression that I was not going to ease into drinking that easily.
I was a lawful child going into drinking. Aside from the occasional sip of a wine or mixed drink offered by my parents on special occasions, I hadn't imbibed at all before actual anniversary of birth. I knew that I liked red wine, margaritas without the salt rim and limeade with vodka was tasty. I also knew to stay away from cheap grape vodka because it tasted like cough syrup and totally made the BOY vomit after a shot or two.
But all in all, I'm pretty new to the whole drinking scene. I don't know anything about anything. Found out that I can handle a few mouthfuls of a Blue Moon (kinda gross, I would have mixed it with orange juice), few sips of a Long Island, a badly-mixed (but seriously tasty) Hurricane, a glass of rather cheap Merlot and a Mike's Harder Limeade with only a minimal loss of balance. It was better than I was expecting at least, what with me weighing a measly hundred and twenty-eight pounds and being incredibly susceptible to caffeine. But yeah, I'm a lightweight. After the wine, which was first, I was definitely starting to feel dizzy. I bought my first bottles of wine two days ago and after two glasses, I am definitely comfortable. So there's that.
And yeah, it was a good day. I had an amazing pizza, with chicken, spinach, pepperoni, and bacon. Amazing, I say. I could have eaten a plate of any of the ingredients on their own. They were that good. Hung out with friends both that I love and know well, and also friends that I didn't know that well but got to know better. Uncharacteristically kicked a great deal of butt in Super Smash Bros (seriously, actually came in first against the sober and far-more-experienced-at-Super-Smash BOY), and ended up playing Portal 2 in a friend's apartment.
Good times.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
revenge is a dish best served cold
It's cold outside. Some of it might be that I'm sleepy and therefore my body temperature is dropping and yeah, reasons, but it is also freakin' cold outside.
I want my leather jacket to be clean. I bought it in a secondhand store for ridiculously dirt-cheap, but didn't realize until later that it smelled of cigarettes. So now, it's in the cleaner's. And it would be fabulous to have right now, what with the cold, but yeah, it's in the cleaner's. Poo.
I want my leather jacket to be clean. I bought it in a secondhand store for ridiculously dirt-cheap, but didn't realize until later that it smelled of cigarettes. So now, it's in the cleaner's. And it would be fabulous to have right now, what with the cold, but yeah, it's in the cleaner's. Poo.
Monday, January 16, 2012
murdering the souffle
Trying to change up my reading practices for school lately. My professor for Persuasion assigned more than one reading on the subject of good reading and studying habits. So I've actually been underlining in my book. Not only underlining, but also writing notes in the margins.
This sounds rather innocuous, but for me, it is nearly sacrilege on par with dog-earing the pages and leaving the book propped open upside-down so that the spine cracks. And I'm using pencil, not even highlighter or pen. It's helpful, I'm not denying it, but it feels so wrong.
But there is something that makes me feel so incredibly productive when I flip through a chapter of my book, seeing the occasional underlining and the neat little notes in the margins, connecting concepts here and there to other places in the book and even to other courses this semester.
Because, seeing as how I'm immersed in my major this semester and every class I'm taking is in my program, things are connecting all over the place. It's gotten to the point - already - that I sometimes don't remember in which class I learned which concept. It's overlapping and building up and just connecting all over the place, so I've got notes linking the classes together in the margins of every book.
It's nice. Different, but nice. I feel like this is actually worth the time I am spending, as opposed to being just random concepts thrown together into a schedule for the year.
This sounds rather innocuous, but for me, it is nearly sacrilege on par with dog-earing the pages and leaving the book propped open upside-down so that the spine cracks. And I'm using pencil, not even highlighter or pen. It's helpful, I'm not denying it, but it feels so wrong.
But there is something that makes me feel so incredibly productive when I flip through a chapter of my book, seeing the occasional underlining and the neat little notes in the margins, connecting concepts here and there to other places in the book and even to other courses this semester.
Because, seeing as how I'm immersed in my major this semester and every class I'm taking is in my program, things are connecting all over the place. It's gotten to the point - already - that I sometimes don't remember in which class I learned which concept. It's overlapping and building up and just connecting all over the place, so I've got notes linking the classes together in the margins of every book.
It's nice. Different, but nice. I feel like this is actually worth the time I am spending, as opposed to being just random concepts thrown together into a schedule for the year.
Friday, January 13, 2012
baker's dozen
Sometimes, you find out things about people that you didn't want to know. That you wish you could unknow. That sort of change everything you thought you knew, or at least make you reexamine it all.
---
The beginning of a semester is always interesting to me, in how I am thoroughly excited for the whole thing, ready to make connections and read critically and write ridiculous amounts. Then classes actually start to grind and everything falls off the wagon. But for now, I'm inspired. Just have no time. But class notes so far have been great thought-fodder.
Talked for a long time today with my mom about figuring out how to reconcile a lot of my own doublethink. On the one hand, there is the wanting to love everyone and care for everyone and just generally be the best friend I can be to everyone. On the other hand, there is the simple fact that that is physically and emotionally impossible.
And that's okay. I know that it's okay. It just comes down to me being willing to accept it into my brain and translate into my actions. It'll happen, just slowly.
---
The beginning of a semester is always interesting to me, in how I am thoroughly excited for the whole thing, ready to make connections and read critically and write ridiculous amounts. Then classes actually start to grind and everything falls off the wagon. But for now, I'm inspired. Just have no time. But class notes so far have been great thought-fodder.
Talked for a long time today with my mom about figuring out how to reconcile a lot of my own doublethink. On the one hand, there is the wanting to love everyone and care for everyone and just generally be the best friend I can be to everyone. On the other hand, there is the simple fact that that is physically and emotionally impossible.
And that's okay. I know that it's okay. It just comes down to me being willing to accept it into my brain and translate into my actions. It'll happen, just slowly.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
the fry machine is broken
It's not a clumsily-couched metaphor: the deep fryer is broken at school. There's a little sign and everything. My friends might just die of deprivation, seeing as how they are totally addicted to those things.
--
Been doing a lot of thinking lately about my living situations. I love my housemates currently. They are fantastic people, undemanding, caring and just generally wonderful. But I'm living in their house with them, and I'm very aware that it is their house. I'm good for this semester, but I really want to get a place of my own with a friend or two as roommates, who are okay with our friends coming over and being their loud obnoxious selves. Right now, I feel like that'd be intruding on my housemates. I don't want to feel like I'm imposing.
And, the thing is... I think I want to get that as early as this summer. I don't know if I can do my family for two months. I'm already mostly decided on doing summer school for all of June, so I'd either have to extend my lease for that month or get my own place, so my break has gotten cut down to two months. But I don't know if I can even do those two months. I love my family, but geez they nearly drove me crazy over Christmas break. That was about four weeks. Two months feels like forever.
That does mean that I have to take some stuff into account though. I currently have a job lined up for the summer. If I stay at school, I'd need to find work up here. I'm not currently working through the semester so that I can focus on classes. If I'm going to stay here over the summer, I might as well be productive during that time period, and I'd have to let my boss know back home that he's going to have to find another employee. He knows that's a possibility already, so it'd just be a matter of notice. But I'd have to do job searching all over again, or maybe an internship.
There's more thinking to be done in all of this, and I need to talk with the parents about it a bit, but my mind is sort of leaning towards being made up at this point. We'll see how it goes.
--
Been doing a lot of thinking lately about my living situations. I love my housemates currently. They are fantastic people, undemanding, caring and just generally wonderful. But I'm living in their house with them, and I'm very aware that it is their house. I'm good for this semester, but I really want to get a place of my own with a friend or two as roommates, who are okay with our friends coming over and being their loud obnoxious selves. Right now, I feel like that'd be intruding on my housemates. I don't want to feel like I'm imposing.
And, the thing is... I think I want to get that as early as this summer. I don't know if I can do my family for two months. I'm already mostly decided on doing summer school for all of June, so I'd either have to extend my lease for that month or get my own place, so my break has gotten cut down to two months. But I don't know if I can even do those two months. I love my family, but geez they nearly drove me crazy over Christmas break. That was about four weeks. Two months feels like forever.
That does mean that I have to take some stuff into account though. I currently have a job lined up for the summer. If I stay at school, I'd need to find work up here. I'm not currently working through the semester so that I can focus on classes. If I'm going to stay here over the summer, I might as well be productive during that time period, and I'd have to let my boss know back home that he's going to have to find another employee. He knows that's a possibility already, so it'd just be a matter of notice. But I'd have to do job searching all over again, or maybe an internship.
There's more thinking to be done in all of this, and I need to talk with the parents about it a bit, but my mind is sort of leaning towards being made up at this point. We'll see how it goes.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
with sugar on top
A lot of this blog is rather depressing and personal and thoughtful and just generally not my cheery, bubbly, normally-rather-oblivious self. That's okay. That's what I made it for. Sometimes just writing something through helps.
And so:
To the drama llamas, specifically the one who keeps calling me at two in the morning: for serious, I'm not going to pick up the phone. You are drunk making those calls; I am not encouraging you. Yes, I know that you have issues. I really truly want you to be all right. I tried to help you early on, but you ended up rejecting it by not following through on your own. I can't do it for you. You are an adult and you can make your own decisions and you are not my responsibility. I can't take responsibility for you. I refuse to. I've done it for too long for a lot of people and it wouldn't be healthy for either of us.
Also, most people are asleep at two in the morning. That's why I don't answer. I'm asleep. If you want me to answer, send me a text. And then answer the freakin' text I send back. Because I do. And then you don't say anything. Seriously, just tell me what it is that's wrong if you're going to. Don't wait for me to ask you a million times what's up, because I will assume nothing is up when you don't answer the first or second time. I can't fish for information. I won't. It's your own business and if you want to tell me, tell me. I'm not going to ask. I can't walk down that road again.
--
To the parents of the BOY: it was great meeting you. I see where he gets some stuff from. It helps me understand him a little bit more. I really enjoyed my time with you and I'm sorry if it felt like I was imposing at all. I wasn't really expecting him to take me with him to his brother's birthday dinner. Seriously, I was more than willing to come, but by all means, if you don't want me intruding, say so. I think I said as much, but it was wonderful that you made me feel included. I had a great time and I hope that I get to see you again soon.
--
To my friends who are worried about me and the BOY: if you had an issue, I wish you would actually bring it up with me. Thank you to my friend who did tell me that she didn't really like him and that there were others that didn't really like him. I get it. I know he could rub people the wrong way. He doesn't bother me. Time will tell if this is actually how I feel or if I'm just still in puppy-crush-mode, but I honestly am happy with him. I don't want him to be divisive between our friendships, but at the same time, he is who I am with at the moment.
I feel really stupid saying this, because it feels like I'm being the rebellious girl who is running away with the bad boy, leaving all her friends behind. I don't want to do that. I honestly just get along with everyone. But I know that there are some people who don't. I can apologize that he's causing friction if indeed he is causing friction, but I won't apologize for liking him. And seriously? If you have a concern, please say so. What if he really was bad for me? What if he was abusive or pushy or whatever it is that concerns you guys? What if I were in trouble with him?
I'm not. He respects my space when I ask for it. Yes, he curses too much. So does half the world. Yes, he can be argumentative. I can talk to him about taking it down a notch, because I know that some of you take offense to it. I don't argue with people. He doesn't get fuel from me and I also know that he's not being malicious. He's just intense.
But I'm happy. He is thoughtful and considerate and generous and intelligent. I'd love to ask you to spend more time with him, but you don't have to. If you really don't like him that much, okay. I understand. If you want to just hang out with me, just say so. I'm not offended. I just ask that you trust my judgement in him, but seriously, bring me your concerns. I would like to assuage them or take them into consideration as the case may be, okay?
--
To classes starting tomorrow: go easy on me. I was having a wonderful start of the year now that I was back. Then drama happened and while I personally am in a great space, there are people around me who are not and who are trying to drag me down with them. Please don't add to my troubles.
And so:
To the drama llamas, specifically the one who keeps calling me at two in the morning: for serious, I'm not going to pick up the phone. You are drunk making those calls; I am not encouraging you. Yes, I know that you have issues. I really truly want you to be all right. I tried to help you early on, but you ended up rejecting it by not following through on your own. I can't do it for you. You are an adult and you can make your own decisions and you are not my responsibility. I can't take responsibility for you. I refuse to. I've done it for too long for a lot of people and it wouldn't be healthy for either of us.
Also, most people are asleep at two in the morning. That's why I don't answer. I'm asleep. If you want me to answer, send me a text. And then answer the freakin' text I send back. Because I do. And then you don't say anything. Seriously, just tell me what it is that's wrong if you're going to. Don't wait for me to ask you a million times what's up, because I will assume nothing is up when you don't answer the first or second time. I can't fish for information. I won't. It's your own business and if you want to tell me, tell me. I'm not going to ask. I can't walk down that road again.
--
To the parents of the BOY: it was great meeting you. I see where he gets some stuff from. It helps me understand him a little bit more. I really enjoyed my time with you and I'm sorry if it felt like I was imposing at all. I wasn't really expecting him to take me with him to his brother's birthday dinner. Seriously, I was more than willing to come, but by all means, if you don't want me intruding, say so. I think I said as much, but it was wonderful that you made me feel included. I had a great time and I hope that I get to see you again soon.
--
To my friends who are worried about me and the BOY: if you had an issue, I wish you would actually bring it up with me. Thank you to my friend who did tell me that she didn't really like him and that there were others that didn't really like him. I get it. I know he could rub people the wrong way. He doesn't bother me. Time will tell if this is actually how I feel or if I'm just still in puppy-crush-mode, but I honestly am happy with him. I don't want him to be divisive between our friendships, but at the same time, he is who I am with at the moment.
I feel really stupid saying this, because it feels like I'm being the rebellious girl who is running away with the bad boy, leaving all her friends behind. I don't want to do that. I honestly just get along with everyone. But I know that there are some people who don't. I can apologize that he's causing friction if indeed he is causing friction, but I won't apologize for liking him. And seriously? If you have a concern, please say so. What if he really was bad for me? What if he was abusive or pushy or whatever it is that concerns you guys? What if I were in trouble with him?
I'm not. He respects my space when I ask for it. Yes, he curses too much. So does half the world. Yes, he can be argumentative. I can talk to him about taking it down a notch, because I know that some of you take offense to it. I don't argue with people. He doesn't get fuel from me and I also know that he's not being malicious. He's just intense.
But I'm happy. He is thoughtful and considerate and generous and intelligent. I'd love to ask you to spend more time with him, but you don't have to. If you really don't like him that much, okay. I understand. If you want to just hang out with me, just say so. I'm not offended. I just ask that you trust my judgement in him, but seriously, bring me your concerns. I would like to assuage them or take them into consideration as the case may be, okay?
--
To classes starting tomorrow: go easy on me. I was having a wonderful start of the year now that I was back. Then drama happened and while I personally am in a great space, there are people around me who are not and who are trying to drag me down with them. Please don't add to my troubles.
Monday, January 9, 2012
grocery list of silver linings
See, this is why I should stop complaining all the time.
First, was kind of lonely when I woke up. Ended up spending the entire day with friends.
Second, wrote an entire blog post ranting about how I didn't want to spend two fifty on a parking pass for a semester? Turns out, a parking pass for a semester is only one twenty-five.
Third, I was freaking out because I'm technically writing this at one in the morning on Tuesday, but because I was a derp and forgot to change the time settings on the blog, it's still being recognized as Monday. Which is awesome. Because, as a college student, my day doesn't end until I say it ends, no matter what the clock says.
Seriously, I feel incredibly ungrateful now. I love the world and all its inhabitants. I always have. I just have moments of intensely disliking them.
First, was kind of lonely when I woke up. Ended up spending the entire day with friends.
Second, wrote an entire blog post ranting about how I didn't want to spend two fifty on a parking pass for a semester? Turns out, a parking pass for a semester is only one twenty-five.
Third, I was freaking out because I'm technically writing this at one in the morning on Tuesday, but because I was a derp and forgot to change the time settings on the blog, it's still being recognized as Monday. Which is awesome. Because, as a college student, my day doesn't end until I say it ends, no matter what the clock says.
Seriously, I feel incredibly ungrateful now. I love the world and all its inhabitants. I always have. I just have moments of intensely disliking them.
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